Breaking news: Our behavior is shaped by more factors than we may ever know. But some factors are more obvious — and more influential — than others.
Case in point: family dynamics. For better or for worse or for both, our family unit is a system that dramatically shapes our individual behavior. It is common to hear people talk about the quality (or lack thereof) of their childhood. But this is a much bigger and deeper issue. It is also an issue about which we have been frequently misinformed.
How Family Dynamics Shape Individual Behavior
Pop culture has done us very few favors in terms of understanding and appreciating family dynamics. We get a broad spectrum of stereotypes and myths and simplistic perceptions. What we rarely, if ever, get is any sense of nuance. For example, we can sometimes love our family and we can just as easily hate them. We can even do both at the same time! Family dynamics are tricky, and they are also an evolving process. They can be funny at times, but they are never a joke. Do not rely on TV shows, memes, or romantic comedies to get the full picture.
Some influential factors of family dynamics include:
- Birth order
- Only child
- Divorce or separation
- Single-parent families
- Sibling rivalries
- Financial issues
- Interactions with in-laws
- Other extended family issues
- Step-families
- Social issues
This is just a minute taste of the complexities. There are many, many other factors at play. Each of them, in combination, contribute to shaping who we are as individuals. Our behavior is not happenstance. It is partly created by the dynamics of our own flesh and blood.
Why Approaching Family as a System is Helpful
What does it mean to approach family as a “system”? To explain this concept is to accept that we are not mere individuals who happen to be related. That alone, of course, would impact our individual behavior and choices. But family systems theory takes things much deeper.
Families, to be understood, must be viewed via their interactions. To identify how family dynamics shape individual behavior, we must explore the family as a whole. This means the individuals who make up the system but also, how those individuals regularly interact with one another. This is the heart of family dynamics. Our inter-family interactions can provoke individual behaviors like:
- Coping mechanisms
- Relationship attachment styles
- Social interaction styles
- Approaches to conflict resolution (or not)
It’s essential to acknowledge that family dynamics within the family system are not static. They influence us well into adulthood. They can also extend well beyond the traditional nuclear family structure. Unique circumstances can bring us into steady contact with the full gamut of extended family — including those who later enter the family through marriage or re-marriage.
How Therapy Can Shape Both Family Dynamics and Individual Behavior
Family systems theory has inspired the creation of family systems therapy. This method of psychotherapy is designed to help each family member within the context of their family units. It is within such collective systems that many of our personal issues first arise. You might say that whatever happens to one family member happens to every family member. This is not an exaggeration.
In family systems therapy sessions, the counselor may work with an individual in distress or meet with several family members. Having a close family member present allows the therapist to better explore and understand the roles each part of this system have assumed. What may be exposed could be:
- Power struggles
- Communication breakdowns
- Previously unexamined factors like birth order and physical disabilities
To use a word that has recently gained widespread usage, family systems therapy is holistic. Learning to view ourselves and our families this way is vital and a process. Working with a therapist can provide a wealth of clarity, insight, and self-awareness as you seek to understand yourself and make life changes.
Take the Next Step…
Want to learn more about yourself in the context of your family system? Please contact me by phone or email to discuss how you can heal and grow as effectively and completely as possible.
I look forward to the possibility of working with you as your journey continues.
Phil LeBlanc
