When life is overwhelming, we try to cope.
But what if our coping strategies fail us?
What if we are not prepared for this particular challenge, or if this is just one problem too many right now?
One of the games or unconscious strategies people sometimes fall back on when they feel lost and overwhelmed is what has been called “hide and drink,” a play on the well-known children’s game of “hide and seek.”
Hiding
“I don’t want to face this.” “I don’t want to know.” “I don’t want to be here anymore.”
These are the thoughts that run through our minds when life gets overwhelming. Sometimes it can be important to take a little bit of time out and acknowledge that it is all too much right now.
Sometimes we wake up the next day and are ready to re-engage.
But at other times, we have no answer to the questions. We feel we cannot possibly win, and there are no options left.
Except to hide.
Fear
The main motivation for “hide and drink” is fear.
And in a way, that makes sense.
Our autonomous nervous system responds to danger (or perceived danger) with a fight or flight response. You can either fight the tiger or run faster than he does. However, if you feel you have no chance, the reaction of last response is the freeze response. You don’t move, you hope that the overwhelming danger will pass you by.
But unfortunately, most crises are not like tigers who sniff at you and turn away if you just hold still long enough.
And if you allow fear to paralyze you long enough, your entire outlook will be distorted by fear.
Depression
And then you give up.
You experience extended periods of low mood, feelings of hopelessness and dejection, reduced ability to function, decreased energy, feelings of helplessness, and even “emptiness.” These can all be symptoms of depression. (Please note: Clinical Depression is a major mental health disorder and can only be diagnosed by a mental health professional.)
Drinking
All of these feelings, probably enhanced by the very act of hiding from the life issue in the first place, are overwhelming. Is there a quick way to forget it all and feel better at least for a short time?
Well, for many people, it seems that there is.
In a desperate attempt at self-medication, many choose the most widely available psycho-active (consciousness altering) substance world-wide, alcohol.
Depression and alcohol – hide and drink
Many people who play hide and drink use alcohol because it makes them temporarily “feel better.” Alcohol lowers inhibitions and affects our perceptions. Problems can temporarily feel less overwhelming. When we drink more, we feel less anxious (i.e. less fearful) and relaxed or rather more disconnected. But, unfortunately, this relaxing effect is the beginning of the depressant effect of alcohol, the main effect it has on the human brain.
As alcohol consumption increases, all those feelings of depression that the “hiders” were trying to escape, return even more strongly.
Hide and drink can start a vicious cycle that adds yet another serious problem on top of the original issues that the hider was hiding from.
Better strategies
So, as a coping strategy in times of crisis, hide and drink is not very successful.
However, it is usually a method of last resort when other options appear to have failed.
The crisis needs to be taken seriously and the reasons for hiding and drinking need to be investigated.
Face and acknowledge your fear
One of the best strategies is to intervene as early as possible in the hide and drink process. Try to look at your fear and acknowledge that, maybe, this time you can’t cope on your own. Sometimes just analyzing the situation can help you to put it in perspective.
Seek help when you need it
And there is one coping strategy that many hiders don’t even consider: seek outside help — from a friend, from a family member, or from a counselor. You don’t have to do this on your own.
That way, you can turn “hide and drink” to “seek and find.”
For further information, please take a look at my specialty page on individual counseling.
